Finals = Hell and Week 15

Finals week, sorry this is late.

Week 15 Picks
Shitty last week, plus shitty start to this week. I haven't done the math yet, but it was ugly. Anyway, winners in bold.

Broncos vs. Texans

Bengals vs 49ers

Browns vs Bills

Chiefs vs Titans

Packers vs Rams

Ravens vs Dolphins

Patriots vs Jets

Saints vs Cards

Steelers vs Jags

Bucs vs Falcons

Seahawks vs Panthers

Colts vs Raiders

Cowboys vs Eagles

Chargers vs Lions

Giants vs Redskins

Vikings vs Bears

19-0, Week 14

Drop the Farm Animal, and Slowly Back Away...

Now that the Patriots going undefeated seems a lot closer and a lot more probable, pending a win against Pittsburgh, I decided it was time to finally address that whole situation. Despite Spygate, despite the incessant running up the score on their opponents, despite Tom being gay and apparently into beastiality, and despite their head coach being a hobo, I am in complete support of New England going udnefeated this year. Spygate was in the first half of week 1, they didn't have time to use anything they got and if you really believe that they're the only team to do it then you're pretty stupid anyway. Don Shula can kiss my ass for trying to say they need an asterisk if they go undefeated, you're just pissed that you couldn't have done it yourself, you crazy old coot. I love how they run up the score too, they are the best team in the NFL and they know it. More power to them, if you can't stop them then you get what you get. The fact of the matter is that the Patriots are the model franchise right now, built around winning as a team. Look at Randy Moss now, and remember how he was in Oakland and Minnesota. They have the right philosophy and the right players who all have the mindset about winning, regardless of if they have to take a paycut or even be cut for a period of time to help with the cap situation. Don't get me wrong, I hate Simmons and all of the fuckhead Boston fans, but Im willing to let it slide for this one. Plus it gives Tom that unbeatable edge over that fuckwad Peyton Manning, it also helps that I have Tom, Randy, Donte, and Maroney on my fantasy team(s). Now if only we can get Tom away from the farm animals...

WEEK 14
A horrible 7-9 last week, hopefully a better record for this week. 111-81 on the year, winners in bold.

Chicago v. Washington

Miami v. Buffalo

St. Louis v. Cincinnatti

Dallas v. Detroit

Oakland v. Green Bay

Tampa Bay v. Houston

San Diego v. Tennessee

Carolina v. Jacksonville

NY Giants v. Philadelphia

Arizona v. Seattle

Minnesota v. San Francisco

Pittsburgh v. New England

Kansas City v. Denver

Cleveland v. NY Jets

Indianapolis v. Baltimore

New Orleans v. Atlanta

NFL Network, Week 13

Kinda Like Communism, But Completely Different

I'm one of the 24 people in America that has the NFL Network. Granted, I have the NFL Network at home, so when I am at school I happen to be shit out of luck. To me, the NFL Network is like Communism. On paper it is a brilliant idea, in practice it actually kind of sucks. On the plus side, I can be involved with the NFL on a whole new level, whether it is the coverage you get from NFL Total Access, their coverage of the Combine, their training camp coverage, the new series about each Super Bowl, and even when they show non-NFL events like the World Cup of American Football. On the downside, not everyone has it, so when they show games on Thursday nights noone gets to watch. In the past, I haven't been worried about that a all because they have generally had fairly shitty games on the NFL Network and the one that I did care about I got on free TV anyway. Tonight is the Green Bay Packers playing the Dallas Cowboys on the NFL Network, and I don't get to watch the game because I am at school. The supposed "Battle for the NFC" is tonight, and a majority of people will not get to watch it at all. I'm going to have to go to a bar to watch, and even then I might not get to see it because the cable carrier in Emporia feels the need to not have it in their packages. The NFL Network is on the verge of failing, and unless they can get their shit together, then we may lose what was once a brilliant idea that fell just a little short in practice.

WEEK 13
104-72 on the year, 8-8 last week, here's hoping this week turns out better. I mean shoot, who thought the Bengals would go nuts, Oakland would win a division game an Denver would be dumb enough to kick to Hester again even after he ran one back for a TD.

Green Bay v. Dallas - Tough choice, but my gut says Dallas.

San Francisco v. Carolina - Better question is, who cares?

Jacksonville v. Indianapolis - So hot right now, should beat slumping Colts.

Buffalo v. Washington - RIP Man-Beast.

Houston v. Tennessee - This is a toss up depending on which Titans show up.

Atlanta v. St. Louis

Seattle v. Philadelphia

Detroit v. Minnesota

NY Jets v. Miami - Crap shoot.

San Diego v. Kansas City - Fool me once, shame on you...

Denver v. Oakland - Outright win this time.

Cleveland v. Arizona

NY Giants v. Chicago - If Elisha doesn't throw 50 bajillion picks.

Tampa Bay v. New Orleans

Cincinnatti v. Pittsburgh

New England v. Baltimore - Philly came close, but Baltimore won't do it.

Christmas Specials, Week 12

My God I Love This Tree and I Don't Know Why

As a kid, Christmas was always my favorite holiday, granted, for all the wrong reasons. Ignoring everything to do with religion was the way to go, it was all about the presents as a kid. Now, my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, all because of food, football and family. Despite this, I still love to watch a lot of the Christmas themed movies and shows on TV even if they are deemed for children. To commemorate this, I have put together my Top Ten Favorite Christmas Related Programs. So, without further ado...

The Under .500 Christmas Related Program Top Ten

10. A Christmas Story (1983)
To start, no movie should ever be aired for 24 hours straight. I don't care what movie it is, it just should not happen at all. I like the movie a lot, but not enough to watch it for 24 hours the straight, the only good part of it being on that much is that I can watch it one time through over the course of that 24 hours. One time a year is about all I can stand of this one, despite it being a classic and one of the best in my childhood.

9. Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
I don't remember how I heard about this movie, I think it was from my dad, but all I know is that this is the greatest shitty B-Christmas movie ever. It provides excellent entertainment at 3AM now, ever since they decided to quit showing Hook at that time of night. Not a mainstream classic, but a classic in my family.

8. A Flintstones Christmas Carol (1994)
They show this about 20 times a year on Cartoon Network, it makes my day every time it is on. A Christmas Carol is probably my favorite Christmas story ever, partly because it is more of a political statement than anything and partly because my first memory of it is watching an oral presentation of it one Christmas Eve night with my dad that featured James Earl Jones and an A-list of other actors reading Dickens' classic.

7. Frosty The Snowman (1969)
This is a classic, plain and simple. Growing up I would scour the TV guide to find out when this was on so that I could tune in and watch. I'm pretty sure that we got it on VHS at one point and my mom made it disappear because I would watch it year round.

6. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Another classic in the anoles of Christmas TV specials. Yukon Cornelius is God, the Abominable Snowman is Jesus and the elf that wants to be a dentist is gay. God that is great story telling.

5. A Charlier Brown Christmas (1965)
Classic number four on my list. I used to be able to quote the whole special in my formative days, yes I was a nerd and still am. This is one of those quintessential classics that I only hope I can watch with my kids when I potentially have them.

4. Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire (1989)
I think that this is the most recent on my list so far, and with good reason. This is not only the first Christmas episode of The Simpsons, it is also the first episode of The Simpsons. Telling the classic tale of how the family got Santa's Little Helper, this episode has it all. Bart gets a tattoo, Homer loses his bonus and dresses as a mall Santa, Homer gambles, and Marge uses the Christmas money to pay for Bart's tattoo removal, simply amazing.

3. How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
Fuck that Jim Carrey shit, this is the real motherfuckin deal. Dr. Seuss is a king among men for this tale of Christmas cheer, burglary, and breaking/entering. Plus, the dog is just too cute, there, I said it. I also love to hear and sing the song...You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

2. It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
If you don't like this movie, then fuck you. This is the epitome of the word classic. I remember watching this as the kick-off to my holiday season viewing every Thanksgiving night with my parents, sadly NBC decided to ditch that in favor of The Incredibles. James Stewart as George Bailey is one of the few characters from any movie to really make me feel bad for them. Hell, I have more respect for him than Atticus Finch, and that is saying something because Gregory Peck would make Chuck Norris his bitch.

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
This is the pivotal Christmas movie for my family. Every year my mom would try to make us the Waltons and we would end up full fledged Griswold by the day's end. Not to mention we have quite a few Cousin Eddies in my family. When I have my own house and family, my house will look like the Griswold's with all of the lights. It really isn't Christmas time until I watch this movie, and I do believe it will be about a week or two before I see it. What better way to kick off finals?

WEEK 12 PICKS (Winners in Bold)
96-64 on the year, an even 60%.

Green Bay @ Det - Not going against them on Thanksgiving this year.

NYJ @ Dal

Indy @ ATL - Wouldn't it be a bitch if ATL won?

NO @ Car

Ten @ Cin

Min @ NYG

Sea @ STL - STL is on a roll, but Seattle kind of it too.

Was @ TB

Oak @ KC

Buf @ Jac

Hou @ Cle - Toss up, but I think Houston has a better defense...oddly enough.

SF @ Ari

Bal @ SD

Den @ Chi - Didn't they move this for the Griese storyline?

Phi @ NE

Mia @ Pit - Miami should never be on MNF.

Week 11 and Barry Bonds

I Don't Like You, But You're Kinda Getting Screwed

Baseball is one of my three favorite sports, right up there with both varieties of football. I used to go to see my Royals play every year for my birthday until I went to college, and I still go as often as I can. Baseball was a uniter in my family, my brother was great at it, my dad enjoyed it, and my mom could actually get into it. It was a better time, back when I was younger and barely knew what the hell a steroid was, back before McGwire broke Maris' record in his homerun race and back when Barry Bonds didn't look like he had obviously taken something. The sad thing about it all is, that we got duped. We all got drawn in by the spectacle of Sosa and McGwire, I did too, hell, I even had the poster chronicling eveyr home run that he hit. Baseball was declining and it came at just the right time to make it exciting and get the national interest back into the game, but the fact of the matter was that we got duped. McGwire was the same as Bonds, compare cards from the careers and you can tell, though McGwire isn't as blatently obvious. In the midst of all of the excitement we neglected to even think about how roided up those two had to have been, and we know Bug Selig didn't care, the sport was getting a renewed interest from the nation. Now Barry Bonds has been indicted, but what do they have on him? The government has been working for years to try an get him without anything, so why would they suddenly have some new information now? Were they just waiting for him to break the record? I don't like the guy, but when did he fail a test? Oh yeah, thats right, he never failed one. This isn't Major League Baseball finally making a stand when it comes to stuff like this, this is Major League Baseball engaging in the worst scapegoatism since Germany in the 1930's. I know that steroids are bad for you, but why are they focusing all of their energy on Barry when they have other guys like Rick Ankiel, Paul Byrd, Jason Grimsely, Troy Glaus and a ton of other players who have either failed tests or been implicated through some other means? It's ridiculous, and even kinda sad to think that Barry is going to be publicly crucified for something that noone can prove happened. The worst part of it all is ESPN, so quick to always bring up the questions about Barry, yet when one of your "analysts" admits taking steroids on the air you cover it up like it was Watergate. Barry, I don't like you, but you're really getting fucked on this one. At least you'll have your record for another few years...until A-Rod takes it.


WEEK 11
7-7 last week, not too good, but better than a scroogey communist friend of mine. 84-60 on the year, which is decent I guess, I don't really know.


WEEK 11 PICKS, WINNERS IN BOLD

Cleveland vs. Baltimore

Jacksonville vs. San Diego

Philadelphia vs. Miami

Minnesota vs. Oakland

Indianapolis vs. Kansas City - 2 in a row was unlikely, but 3 is not possible

Green Bay vs. Carolina

New York Giants vs. Detroit

Tampa Bay vs. Atlanta

New Orleans vs. Houston

New England vs. Buffalo - As Ja Rule would say, it's MURDAHHHHHHHH

Cincinnati vs. Arizona

Pittsburgh vs. New York Jets

San Francisco vs. St. Louis

Dallas vs. Washington

Seattle vs. Chicago - The Sex Cannon will rise again

Denver vs. Tennessee

Google images for the pic...as always

Denver and Week 10

Dammit No

I decided to wait on writing this post until later in the week because I felt that writing it while I was still pissed off about the game woul end up being a bad decision. This year, I had such high hopes for the Broncos. On paper it felt like they were one of the only teams that could go toe to toe with the Patriots and make it a close game, if not win it all. Then came the injuries, Ebenezer Ekuban, Tom Nalen, Ben Hamilton, Javon Walker, Rod Smith, etc. All of them starters, all of them gone for the season, except in Walker's case who could be coming back soon. Then you throw in Travis Henry's problems as well as Brandon Marshall's potential problems and you've got even more thrown on it. Then you add in the new defensive run containment scheme as well as the lack of a true middle linebacker due to Al Wilson leaving and you've got even more problems. They just kepe stacking up, after a 2-2 start, followed by the win against the Steelers after bye week, it looked like things were taking a turn for the better. The young defensive line was stepping up and getting in the back field, the trade where we got Dre Bly finally looked like it was going to work out well for us, and the offense was actually scoring touchdowns and getting points out of the red zone. Then came Green Bay and it looked like they took 2 steps back for every step forward they had. If it weren't for the offense being unable to get points, and a 1 in 200 chance of fumbling the ball on the 1 yard line, Denver probably would have won that game, hell, they probably would have won if they had the ball first in overtime, but that is another story. Then came the Lions game, the heart attack inducing moment of seeing Cutler taken off of the field after being injured, and the 44-7 loss. One bright spot out of that was Patrick Ramsey's 29/46 for 262 yards with 1 INT and 1 TD, giving me faith in our backup QB, a little more than I ever had with Plummer there. Now we come into KC for week 10. Cutler will play, which is good because it gave quite a scare. I could go into analysis of this game, but that would be long and boring, so I will. The Chief's O-line is horrible, simple as that. LJ is out for the game and the Chief's are left with Preist Holmes who has clearly lost a step in his two year layoff. Damon Huard should get eaten alive if the Denver defense that blitzes and gets in the backfield shows up to play on Sunday. The Chief's receivers suck, Dwayne Bowe is going to be great, but he is nursing a hamstring injury now that could slow him down, Eddie Kennison is getting worse with age, and Sammi Parker is the worst player I think I've ever seen. The Chief's defense is good, but are on the field way too much. if the defense can stop their offense and quit allowing them to convert on third down, I think that their offense can exploit the defense being on the field too much and allow for a Broncos win. Also, don't be surprised to see Brodie Croyle before it is all over if the Broncos get ahead quick.

WEEK 10 PICKS (Winners in BOLD)
11-3 last week, 77-53 on the year putting me at 59%. With the way this season has gone, that ain't half bad.

Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland - revenge is beautiful

Washington vs. Philadelphia

Carolina vs. Atlanta - bragging about winning this is like bragging about being the smartest kid with downs syndrome

New Orleans vs. St. Louis

Buffalo vs. Miami

Kansas City vs. Denver

Tennessee vs. Jacksonville

Green Bay vs. Minnesota - please, please Purple Jesus

Baltimore vs. Cincinnati - crapshoot

Dallas vs. New York Giants

Arizona vs. Detroit - 10 wins is a lot closer now

Chicago vs. Oakland

Indianapolis vs. San Diego

Seattle vs. San Francisco

Thanks to KSK and especially Ape for all of your brilliance and wit. This was the only picture of the fumble TD I could find.

Week 9 Picks and ESPN

Punk Bitch...That Is All

I don't like ESPN, I do believe I have made that point before with my coverage of the "Who's Now" bullshit. There are a few reasons why I don't like them, the largest of which being that they are owned by Disney, but a large second is that they take rumors and try to present them as fact. Case in point, the Kobe Bryant trade rumors with Chicago. Currently, ESPN has been reporting that there were talks to trade Kobe Bryant to the Bulls for Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah...and I know that this has been killed by the Bulls GM just tongiht. Anyway, this idea is completely retarded for them to ever consider reporting if only for the fact that it would never, ever, happen in a million years. Kobe Bryant has trade vetoe power, so gutting the Bulls roster for him isn't going to happen. The Kobe-Hinrich-Ben Wallace team doesn't sound too good with the way Wallace played last year and I seriously doubt Kobe would stand for it. Why would he want to allow himself to go to a team that would have little more talent than the current team he is with? Thank you very much ESPN for latching on to the littlest rumor you could find in an effort to come up with something to talk about on Sportscenter since you currently don't have any bullshit promotion like Who's Now or that shitty My Wish bullshit. I almost wish you would start showing that autistic kid who nailed more 3 pointers in one night than I'm sure I have in my life. Also giving me more evidence about ESPN pulling this shit is after Ronnie Brown got injured for the season. In the lead in for Sportscenter, they proceeded to show clips of LT, LJ, Travis Henry, Clinton Portis and a few other big name backs in the league while saying that a running back was injured that past weekend that could have a huge fantasy impact. Now, I saw this on Wed, so God only knows what day it initially aired, but any football fan I know would already know that it was Ronnie Brown. So why show clips of every big name back in the league without showing one of the guy that got hurt? Hell, why are you still reporting on an injury from 4 days before and trying to be vague like you're hiding a spoiler or something? Thank you ESPN for making me hate you ever since Disney bought you and made you go to shit. Fuckin assholes.

Week 9 Picks - Winners In Bold
66-50 on the year, 10-3 last week.

Detroit vs. Denver - Win here in a shootout...pending Denver can get into the end zone.

Atlanta vs. San Francisco

Buffalo vs. Cincinnati

Tennessee vs. Carolina

Kansas City vs. Green Bay - Please, for all that is holy in the world.

San Diego vs. Minnesota

New Orleans vs. Jacksonville - Not with Quinn Gray.

Washington vs. New York Jets

Tampa Bay vs. Arizona

Cleveland vs. Seattle

New England vs. Indianapolis

Oakland vs. Houston

Dallas vs. Philadelphia

Pittsburgh vs. Baltimore

Google Images for the pic.