Another Under .500 Top 10

Simply put, I hate the state of Missouri. Growing up in Kansas, among other things, I always found it a screwjob that the teams were in Missouri. With the tickets having first priority for the residents of Jackson County, it was always a screwjob to go to the games and see nothing but Kansas license plates with the little JO in the corner always there and paying to go and supporting the teams, but the ingrates from Missouri getting the first dibs on tickets. Granted, I could care less about the Chiefs (unless they're playing the Broncos), but what if the Royals made the playoffs? It would be all of the people in Jackson County getting the first crack at tickets, when all season long it was the Kansans going and supporting the team. I thought I was done with all of that when I graduated high school, until this summer when I started working in Missouri. That said, I am going to chronicle the top 10 of the other reasons why I hate the state of Missouri. So without further ado...

Why I Hate Missouri, Top 10 Style:

10. The St. Louis Arch
Looking back at the other large architectural behemoths in our country, such as the Statue of Liberty, The Empire State Building, Brooklyn Bridge, The Golden Gate Bridge, and every monument in D.C., I see no reason for the Arch. It's a big memorial for Jefferson and his dealings in the Louisiana Purchase, the first civil government west of the Mississippi, and Dred Scott. So why not run this down, you have a celebration of a purchase that gave us a lot of land...I thought we already had one in D.C., but I could be wrong. The first civil government west of the Mississippi, nice try Missouri, but if you didn't do it one of the other states would have. Finally, the Dred Scott case. Just like Missouri, celebrating a case in which a slave was denied freedom despite his living in free states. Wow, way to go slavery loving Missouri.

Sorry Dred, Welcome To Missouri!

9. The Mormon War Wars With Everyone Around Them
I'm not Mormon, but at the same time, I am not against any religion. If people want to believe something, then they can believe whatever it is that they want. After being granted statehood in 1821, Missouri was settled by Southerner and Mormons who came from the north, soon it turned into a war in 1839 the Mormons were expelled. Not only that, but they got into border disputes with Iowa that resulted in both states calling up militias to the borders. Throw that in with all of their issues with Kansas, which will be covered later, and you've got a real winner there.

8. The Earnings Tax
In Missouri, they have an earnings tax in which you have to pay if you work in the state. It's a nice money maker for when all fo the professional sports players come in to play at Arrowhead of Kauffman and they get taxed from their millions. What I don't like is getting my paycheck every two weeks to be docked more money because I have the grave misfortune of having to drive across the state line to work in Missouri, it's bogus and should be abolished as soon as possible.

7. Low Per Capita Income
According to the 2003 Bureau of Economic Analysis, Missouri was ranked 27th. 27th out of 50. Sad and ridiculous, oh wait, that is because all of the players on your sports teams live in Kansas.

6. They Tried To Interfere With The Settling Of Kansas
Almost instantly after Kansas was declared a territory by the Kansas-Nebraska Act, Missouri sent in settlers to try and interfere in the process because they wanted Kansas to be a slave state. Granted, the northern states had people come in as well, this isn't about them, and yes, they did fight eachother. This time was what we like to call Bleeding Kansas, way to go Missouri...bring your hostility and violence over the borders.

5. Missouri Was A Slave State
Slave State, enough said. And not only that, they tried to promote it. Lucky for them they never really got completely on the secession bandwagon and the Union was able to place a pro-Union government that proceeded to beat the pro-Confederate side of Missouri into retreat to Arkansas.

4. Kurt Warner
Yeah, I know that he is in Arizona with the Cardinals now. Sadly, it was you Missouri that unleashed the hell upon us that was Kurt Warner and his wife. I still shudder to think of either of them, one a fluke quarterback, the other just a fluke. I feel nightmares coming on now.

3. The Missouri License Plate
I thought Kansas was pretty bad as far as license plates go, but damn. This is pretty horrible right here...I mean really, what is the deal with the hideous colors?

God That is ugly

2. The People Who Go To The Pool I Work At
Really now, I still cannot grasp this at all. How can you repeatedly see signs that say "cash only" and still come up and ask if we take plastic? How can you respond to us with a "yes" when we ask it you're ready to order and then come up and not know what you want? How can you not figure out that when our sign says that cheese is 75 cents, it means that is how much it costs? Is Missouri at some sort of genetic disadvantage? Really? I don't get it.

1. Missouri Drivers
I know that everyone thinks that the drivers in the state near them are horrible, or that drivers from other states are bad, but really guys, Missouri is God awful. Don't get me wrong, there are a few who are a credit to their state as far as driving goes, but overall, a majority of the residents of that state suck at driving. I know I'm not perfect when it comes to driving, but geeze these people are bad. I would rather be stuck on the road with old people than on the road with Missouri drivers.

So there you have it, ten of the reasons why I hate the state of Missouri. Granted, there are some who are credits to the state and represent it well in nearly every aspect of life, but as a whole the state sucks. Yes, I do know that I am probably biased because of the inter-state rivalry that is shared because I was born and raised in Kansas, but I do my best to maintain an open mind about everything. So, in closing I will leave you with this quote and my thanks to the Wiki for giving me a picture.


"While others throughout the North were shocked and outraged by the firing on Fort Sumter on April 12, 1861, Kansans reacted differently. Many in the new state were elated at the prospects of a war with the South, or more specifically, many in Kansas relished the opportunity to punish their one and only neighbor, Missouri. --excerpt from "Black Flag" by Thomas Goodrich

Who's Now?

ESPN is a cruel mistress, simple as that. ESPN was great a little over a decade ago, then they got bought by the mouse in 1995. Ever since, ESPN has gone downhill in a horrible crashing and burning fashion and it irritates me to no end. Among my major dislikes with ESPN, some of the notables are as follows...Stuart Scott, Stuart Scott's Eye, Skip Bayless, anything Chris Berman that does not pertain to leather, the forcing of Nascar upon the masses, human interest stories on Sportscenter, anything involving the Make A Wish foundation, 75% of the Sportscenter anchors, Keyshawn Johnson, Stephen A. Smith, and the most recent piece of garbage, the Who's Now bracket. If this comes off more as a soccer fan complaining, I am sorry.

Starting in July, ESPN got the idea to put together a bracket called Who's Now. The point of said bracket is to try and determine who the ultimate god of sports is...or something to that effect, through the analysis of their "on field success and off field buzz" whatever the hell that means. Split into four brackets bearing the names of legendary athletes, we get match ups such as Tiger Woods and Matt Leinart, Peyton Manning and Amanda Beard, Tom Brady and David Ortiz, Ronaldinho and Kobe, and Beckham and LaDainian. Before I get into my two major issues with this, I want to run down some of these match ups that they have.

Tiger Woods and Matt Leinart:
Tiger Woods is the number 1 ranked golfer in the world, he's married to a model and they recently had a child. For every win he has (of which there are many), Tiger gets paid in the millions. Not only that, he also has millions of dollars in endorsements. Matt Leinart plays for a shitty team, I haven't seen him in a commercial where he is endorsing anything since the draft in 06, and he's got a kid with a college basketball player (despite her hotness), I don't know about you, but I think this is a little ridiculous to even consider. They might as well just give Tiger a bye because there is no way anyone in their right mind would pick Leinart.

Peyton Manning and Amanda Beard:
Payton got the Super Bowl finally, after choking year in and year out for the previous 6 or 7 years, and he makes annoying commercials. I'm a little biased, but there is not a single athlete I hate more than Peyton Manning. We get it, your dad played in the NFL and your brother does too...your commercials and your family still don't make you less of a douche. On the contrary, Amanda Beard is an olympic swimmer. That means she has competed with the best in the world and won...not to mention she did it a lot of it when she was 16. She is also hot, I don't care how much air brushing was involved, she was hot in the Playboy issue and she is also a swimmer so that means she has a very nice body and can probably go for hours on end. I am ok with that, so she wins.

Ronaldinho and Kobe:
This is where ESPN pisses me off. You want to get Kobe to advance, but you know it won't happen in an ideal way, so you put him up against an athlete who should, by all logic win, but won't because it is soccer and this is America. Being such, only about 30% of the population are enlightened enough to realize the stupidity of choosing Kobe. Ronaldinho has been player of the year in the world's game, won the world cup, plays for one of the top teams in the world, plays against some of the best athletes in the world, is known worldwide in a better light than Kobe, and is one of the poster boys for soccer. Now, conversely, Kobe is essentially the same for the NBA, there is only one difference. THE WORLD LIKES SOCCER BETTER THAN BASKETBALL.

Beckham and LaDainian:
Don't get me wrong here, I like LT. But LT hasn't done shit, sure he has the records, but how many Super Bowls has he won? David Beckham has won championship after championship throughout his career, he is THE poster boy above everyone else when it comes to soccer, he has played in 3 World Cups and scored, and he has made a resurgance enough in his career to be brought back to the two teams he was exiled from, Real Madrid and Englands National Team. He is also coming to America in about 3 days to play in the MLS for a contract that with endorsements will be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. The guy is complete tabloid fodder everywhere in the world and will be here when he arrives, but, once again ESPN wanted to try and give someone they want to push a free pass. As such, Beckham, despite being one of the few people in here who could justifiably win, loses because that is the way the 70% of America view soccer.

First, if ESPN wanted to ignore the world stage, which apparently they do, they shouldn't have included the athletes who are available on the world stage like Shaun White, Amanda Beard, Ronaldinho, Beckham, etc. If so, they need to take that into account and modify the seeding they used because in all reality, Beckham should be higher than a 7 seed and Ronaldinho higher than a 6 seed because of the criteria used.

Second, if ESPN wants to have any kind of credibility they need to have a different panel for the discussion on Sportscenter. Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Wilbon, and Kirk Herbstreit have to be the biggest joke of a panel I have seen since American Idol. Wilbon is the ultimate hater of anything worldwide, Herbstreit is just a jackass, and Keyshawn Johnson is the biggest joke of an analyst I have ever seen and the only reason he has a job now is because they needed a new obnoxious former NFL player to replace Michael Irvin. I would almost rather have Skip Bayless involved than either of these three and I utterly despise Skip.

Maybe, one of these days ESPN can bounce back from their wayward path and become the great channel they once were when I was in elementary school and I would watch with my brother every morning. Until then, I guess there's always Fox Sports and Deadspin.

More Than Meets The Eye...Top Ten

In honor of the new transformers movie coming out today/tomorrow, I'm going to do a top ten list of my favorites. Take note that these are my personal favorites, so if you don't agree...too bad, feel free to argue with me in a comment or something. Also, these are only coming from the original Transformers (G1), the original 1986 movie, Beast Machines and Beast Wars...because those were all I watched. So without further ado...

10. Optimal Optimus (Beast Wars)
Season 3 of Beast Wars brought on changes, one of the biggest was another transformation for Optimus Primal, no longer was he the regular gorilla or even the transmetal gorilla with the surfboard, no, he merged with the spark of the original Optimus Prime and became Optimal Optimus. Far superior to everyone else, he could become a robot, a gorilla, an ATV, and a jet...tough break to the ones that didn't get changed because everything else was unsanitary. Sadly, he kind of was a puss in Beast Machines and even though I didn't watch it a lot, I know that much so he loses points and is only number 10.



9. Bumblebee (G1/Movie 1986/Movie 2007)
I had the original Bumblebee toy...nuff said. Actually, Bumblebee was one of the less obnoxious ones from the original cartoon, and consequently, the movie...Grimlock I am looking in your direction. He was also a VW Bug, which despite being outdated and kinda gay now, was cool way back in the 80's when it first happened.

8. Megatron (Beast Wars)
Megatron in Beast Wars was a dinosaur, then a transmetal dinosaur, and then he became a dragon. He was a complete nutjob, had an overusing love of the word yes, was threatened with mutiny by his troops, and followed suit with Optimus and took the spark of the original Megatron, what's not to love? I'd give him a higher ranking, but he's also not the original, so he doesn't get much more than this.

7. Inferno (Beast Wars)
Inferno was one of the many in the show Beast Wars that came from the stasis pods that were jettisoned from the Maximal spaceship as they were crashing onto Earth. The funny thing about Inferno is that he is an ant, and he maintains the ant mentality by calling Megatron his queen. I'm sorry but that is funny right there, and not only that, but he gets dumber every season. He looked a lot cooler than he should have too, for as worthless as he managed to be for most of the show.



6. Perceptor (G1, Movie 1986)
Perceptor was actually pretty useless. I never saw him really do anything because he was more or less a scientist, so he was always doing gay science stuff instead of fighting. He was in the movie too, but was pretty useless there too. The only reason he is on the list is because of my enjoyment in what his alternate mode was, a microscope. Take it for what it is.

5. Megatron/Galvatron (G1, Movie 1986, Movie 2007)
The leader of the decepticons, Megatron was easily one of my favorites. He was a gun, an alien gun and an alien spaceship in his alternate modes and was voiced by Frank Welker, Leonard Nimoy, and to a lesser extent Hugo Weaving. He got his ass handed to him by Optimus Prime in the movie and was left for dead by the opportunistic Starscream until he got revived by Unicron who had enslaved him until the end of the movie.

4. Optimus Prime (G1, Movie 1986, Movie 2007)
Optimus is what I like to call awesome. He was a semi-truck, I had his toy, and he was the leader. Made all the other leaders of cartoon/action figure teams look like punk bitches...Duke I am looking in your direction. Despite dying in the 1986 movie, he was around for more or less everything and actually got brought back to the cartoon despite his death. He was voiced by Peter Cullen in the cartoon and now both movies as he was brought in to voice Prime in the new movie. Despite not having the combined sparks of both he and Optimus Primal, he is still so much better.

3. Unicron (Movie 1986)
A planet that is a transformer. I'm sorry, but if that is not bad ass then I do not know what is. He was the bad guy in the 1986 movie, he was a planet and a giant robot, and he brought Megatron back to become Galvatron, he also pisses excellence...as far as robots are able to piss. Not only was he all this, but he was voiced by Orson Welles. Yes, Orson fucking Welles. Holy shit he is great.



2. Starscream (G1, Movie 1986, Movie 2007, Beast Wars)
Starscream is my favorite of all the original characters. Teamed with Megatron, he provided the second half to the Decepticons that gave them the craziest leaders in all of Transformers. Not only that, he was also featured in Beast Wars on multiple occasions, has a large role in the new movie, died (but was still great) in the 1986 movie, and best of all is immortal. In Beast Wars, it was revealed that his spark was indestructible...just adding to his badass quotient.



1. Dinobot (Beast Wars)
Dinobot was originally Megatrons second in command in the Beast Wars until he was ousted from the team for challenging Megatron in which he ended up with the Maximals throughout. Dinobot was the ultimate bad ass of Beast Wars because he was the warrior, he fought until there was nothing else. Though not immune from some treachery, he joined up with the Predacons at one point in an attempt to stop Megatron from achieving his goals with the golden discs. He would meet his end shortly after while fighting all of the Predacons in an attempt to stop them from destroying the future of humanity. That episode is my favorite of the series, and the same is felt among many fans of the show. Dinobot was even cloned by Megatron and brought back as a Predacon and used to fight the Maximals until the end of the series when he came to realize who he was and he turned on Megatron again.



So there you have it, my favorite transformers. It's my list, I got the pictures from the Wiki (like i do every picture on here), and if you don't agree with it...feel free to say so in the comments.