15 July 2007

Another Under .500 Top 10

Simply put, I hate the state of Missouri. Growing up in Kansas, among other things, I always found it a screwjob that the teams were in Missouri. With the tickets having first priority for the residents of Jackson County, it was always a screwjob to go to the games and see nothing but Kansas license plates with the little JO in the corner always there and paying to go and supporting the teams, but the ingrates from Missouri getting the first dibs on tickets. Granted, I could care less about the Chiefs (unless they're playing the Broncos), but what if the Royals made the playoffs? It would be all of the people in Jackson County getting the first crack at tickets, when all season long it was the Kansans going and supporting the team. I thought I was done with all of that when I graduated high school, until this summer when I started working in Missouri. That said, I am going to chronicle the top 10 of the other reasons why I hate the state of Missouri. So without further ado...

Why I Hate Missouri, Top 10 Style:

10. The St. Louis Arch
Looking back at the other large architectural behemoths in our country, such as the Statue of Liberty, The Empire State Building, Brooklyn Bridge, The Golden Gate Bridge, and every monument in D.C., I see no reason for the Arch. It's a big memorial for Jefferson and his dealings in the Louisiana Purchase, the first civil government west of the Mississippi, and Dred Scott. So why not run this down, you have a celebration of a purchase that gave us a lot of land...I thought we already had one in D.C., but I could be wrong. The first civil government west of the Mississippi, nice try Missouri, but if you didn't do it one of the other states would have. Finally, the Dred Scott case. Just like Missouri, celebrating a case in which a slave was denied freedom despite his living in free states. Wow, way to go slavery loving Missouri.

Sorry Dred, Welcome To Missouri!

9. The Mormon War Wars With Everyone Around Them
I'm not Mormon, but at the same time, I am not against any religion. If people want to believe something, then they can believe whatever it is that they want. After being granted statehood in 1821, Missouri was settled by Southerner and Mormons who came from the north, soon it turned into a war in 1839 the Mormons were expelled. Not only that, but they got into border disputes with Iowa that resulted in both states calling up militias to the borders. Throw that in with all of their issues with Kansas, which will be covered later, and you've got a real winner there.

8. The Earnings Tax
In Missouri, they have an earnings tax in which you have to pay if you work in the state. It's a nice money maker for when all fo the professional sports players come in to play at Arrowhead of Kauffman and they get taxed from their millions. What I don't like is getting my paycheck every two weeks to be docked more money because I have the grave misfortune of having to drive across the state line to work in Missouri, it's bogus and should be abolished as soon as possible.

7. Low Per Capita Income
According to the 2003 Bureau of Economic Analysis, Missouri was ranked 27th. 27th out of 50. Sad and ridiculous, oh wait, that is because all of the players on your sports teams live in Kansas.

6. They Tried To Interfere With The Settling Of Kansas
Almost instantly after Kansas was declared a territory by the Kansas-Nebraska Act, Missouri sent in settlers to try and interfere in the process because they wanted Kansas to be a slave state. Granted, the northern states had people come in as well, this isn't about them, and yes, they did fight eachother. This time was what we like to call Bleeding Kansas, way to go Missouri...bring your hostility and violence over the borders.

5. Missouri Was A Slave State
Slave State, enough said. And not only that, they tried to promote it. Lucky for them they never really got completely on the secession bandwagon and the Union was able to place a pro-Union government that proceeded to beat the pro-Confederate side of Missouri into retreat to Arkansas.

4. Kurt Warner
Yeah, I know that he is in Arizona with the Cardinals now. Sadly, it was you Missouri that unleashed the hell upon us that was Kurt Warner and his wife. I still shudder to think of either of them, one a fluke quarterback, the other just a fluke. I feel nightmares coming on now.

3. The Missouri License Plate
I thought Kansas was pretty bad as far as license plates go, but damn. This is pretty horrible right here...I mean really, what is the deal with the hideous colors?

God That is ugly
2. The People Who Go To The Pool I Work At
Really now, I still cannot grasp this at all. How can you repeatedly see signs that say "cash only" and still come up and ask if we take plastic? How can you respond to us with a "yes" when we ask it you're ready to order and then come up and not know what you want? How can you not figure out that when our sign says that cheese is 75 cents, it means that is how much it costs? Is Missouri at some sort of genetic disadvantage? Really? I don't get it.

1. Missouri Drivers
I know that everyone thinks that the drivers in the state near them are horrible, or that drivers from other states are bad, but really guys, Missouri is God awful. Don't get me wrong, there are a few who are a credit to their state as far as driving goes, but overall, a majority of the residents of that state suck at driving. I know I'm not perfect when it comes to driving, but geeze these people are bad. I would rather be stuck on the road with old people than on the road with Missouri drivers.

So there you have it, ten of the reasons why I hate the state of Missouri. Granted, there are some who are credits to the state and represent it well in nearly every aspect of life, but as a whole the state sucks. Yes, I do know that I am probably biased because of the inter-state rivalry that is shared because I was born and raised in Kansas, but I do my best to maintain an open mind about everything. So, in closing I will leave you with this quote and my thanks to the Wiki for giving me a picture.


"While others throughout the North were shocked and outraged by the firing on Fort Sumter on April 12, 1861, Kansans reacted differently. Many in the new state were elated at the prospects of a war with the South, or more specifically, many in Kansas relished the opportunity to punish their one and only neighbor, Missouri. --excerpt from "Black Flag" by Thomas Goodrich

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